Do you feel 'broken' by the pressure of desire-driven imperatives?
It’s time to refocus on what truly matters. PLUS FLASH ⚡️SPRING SALE HAPPENING NOW!⚡️
Preoccupation with Desire: Is this Silently Killing Your Sex Life?
By Jamie Azar, Certified Sex, Relationship, and Intimacy Coach
Too many people are living life feeling “broken” because they aren’t interested in sex, they don’t want to have sex, or they feel guilty that they don’t really enjoy the sex they’re having. A lot of the time, these feelings are internalized from desire imperatives; social and cultural scripts that dictate mandates around how people should experience desire when they first meet someone, at the beginning of a relationship, and throughout decades of partnership.
I’m here to get curious about the root of the problem and share a simple shift in mindset which could help people reconsider what’s truly important, if you ask me, when it comes to having great sex.
What is desire? Desire is a state of wanting, yearning, longing. It can refer to physical, emotional, or intellectual longing or a mental want, perhaps for a person, an experience, or even your favorite food. But what happens to our brain when we are in a state of wanting? The brain releases dopamine in the core regions of the brain’s reward system. Importantly, dopamine doesn't equal pleasure—it’s more about motivation and anticipation. It fuels the drive to get what you desire, not necessarily the enjoyment of it.
Not only can the preoccupation with desire hijack our enjoyment of an experience, but it can also cause frustration when we can’t necessarily fulfill a need immediately. The state of anticipation is a form of seeking—it can heighten the intensity of certain experiences, but at its core, it’s goal-oriented and future-focused. When we become hyper focused on desire—or its absence—it can lead to a loss of self and create immense pressure, especially in a culture shaped by compulsory sexuality: the belief that everyone should want or be having sex. But that simply isn’t true.
So, what’s the answer to dismantling desire imperatives that don’t really serve us?
It’s not desire.
It’s not arousal.
It’s pleasure.
What if we centered pleasure instead of hyper focusing on desire? AND what if we can bring desire back authentically?
Pleasure Psych Sexology Training and Certification FLASH SALE
TIER 2 is JUST $497 FLASH SPRING SALE!
💡 In this program, you get:
Comprehensive, Pleasure-Based Sexology Education
Learn cutting-edge, trauma-informed, and inclusive approaches to sexuality, relationships, and desire—including anatomy, arousal, shame, kink, non-monogamy, and more—from a sex-positive lens.Real-World Coaching & Clinical Tools
Gain practical techniques for working with individuals and couples, including assessment tools, somatic practices, guided exercises, and frameworks for addressing blocks to intimacy, pleasure, and self-expression.Branding & Business Support
Get step-by-step guidance on building your signature offer, identifying your niche, creating ethical marketing, and launching your own sex-positive practice or creative project with confidence and clarity.Professional Certification & Supervision
Graduate with a recognized certification, plus access to peer support, optional case consultation, and ongoing opportunities for supervision, CEUs, and community connection in a growing global network.
*PS.. ALL TIERS CURRENTLY MARKED DOWN FOR FLASH SPRING SALE.
You can check out all 3 here: www.pleasurepsych.com/faq
CNM Support Group This Thursday! Come Join Us!
Are you curious about non monogamy? Perhaps you’re seeking education or simply looking to share stories with others who share similar values and experiences.
You can always attend the CNM Group, hosted by Wayne. Wayne is a Non Monogamy Coach. He and his wife Melissa (a sex therapist) have been non monogamous for 20 years. Also, did you know they both trained with Mou here at Los Angeles Sex Therapy?
If you want to build community and talk about all things non monogamy, this support group is the way to go.
Meeting this Thursday!
$20 drop in fee
please email us at info@lastcollective.org to sign up.
Psychedelic Assisted Couples and Individuals Ketamine Day Retreat
This is a half-day retreat offered in a small group format, designed to support both individual and collective healing. Sharing space with others not only helps keep costs more accessible, but also invites deeper spiritual growth through connection, reflection, and shared presence. Many participants find that being in a compassionate, intentional group amplifies their insights, fosters a sense of belonging, and opens the door to profound relational healing—even when the inner work remains deeply personal.
Mou will be opening this up to 5 people only, so if you’re interested, please join the list here!